Hi all:
So how "out" are you about your FPL(s), if you remember any, and how does that impact your life?
I am currently taking a Landmark Education course, and the format of these things is large-group -- anywhere from 50 to 150 people in the room, depending on which course. And what happens is that community is created -- a safe place in which people share the most personal and intimate things, and are greeted by everyone else with acceptance and support. It's like I wrote to someone else in an email, "It's the most accepting group of people on the planet."
But... I can't bring myself to tell them about you-know-what. And what I've come to realize is that I have a whole issue with this... with being accepted by groups of people, or just people in general, were they to find out what I believe about my past lives. I believe that they'd reject me if they knew, and so I can never feel part, I am afraid of them, I am angry with them, and so I have trouble really connecting.
The Landmark group, of course, becomes a microcosm of the greater world... what stops you in the course, they reliably say, is what's stopping you in your life. And I have had problems feeling like I fit in all my life... whether in childhood when I had no friends (until I was a teen) or in science fiction fandom, which as a subculture is very accepting of differences, and where I fit as a fantasy writer, but didn't fit because I just don't read that much of the stuff and don't really resonate with the fantasy ethos. (I was writing fantasy because it was the only place in literature where my transmuted PL experiences fit.)
So what's come to me is that not being "out" about it has been haunting me my whole life, from the time I started to clam up about it and feel ashamed of it, in early childhood, because my mother taught me I'd be condemned. (Any time you hide anything, there is always an element of shame, whether you are aware of it or not.) So that, theoretically, I'd be happier if I told the world (as I originally wanted and planned to).
The only problem is... I think that despite the abusiveness of her teaching... she was to some degree right. There's definitely a stigma associated with FPLs, definitely a strong theory out there that people who remember them are crazy. It doesn't help that many people who claim them are crazy, and you can probably guess who sprang into my mind as I wrote this. They can't help it, but part of me is furious at them for muddying the waters, and discrediting what is inside me.
I guess what I'd like is to get to the point where I can be accepting of myself and all that is in me without needing the acceptance of other people (in fact I thought I had it a few days ago) but I don't know whether that is possible. The acceptance of other people is so important... if no one in the world accepted you as you are, if everyone shut you out, how could you live? My guides told me long ago: "You hurt because you are not telling people who you really are." I think it's not just Alexander I hide... it's the capacity for power I still have in me. It's naturally associated in my mind with that life, and I was taught I'd be crushed if I revealed or exercised it.
Anyway... I'm curious about other people's "out" experiences. How do you pick and choose who you tell? What have been your experiences with telling? Have you suffered from sensing that someone thinks you are loopy and only refrains from saying it out of politeness? Do you dread it becoming a topic to be avoided? (I know I generally want to talk about it with anyone I've told.) When you've been accepted for it, has it made a difference to how you feel about yourself? How does being in, or coming out of, the FPL closet compare with other closets you've been in, if you have? What is the attitude you think is wisest to hold about the whole thing?
Warmly,
Karen
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Being in the FPL closet
Being in the FPL closet
by Karen on Sat Jan 26, 2008 2:36 pm
“Reincarnation is a two-edged sword in which not only do you find out that there's no such thing as death – but also that there's no such thing as death ending all cares. And everything that means.” (From an email to a friend)
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Karen - Posts: 584
- Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2007 11:07 am
by G. Warryth on Sat Jan 26, 2008 10:31 pm
Hi, Karen --
Ex-"Ozhika Rau" here (I'm aiming to retire all my scattered monikers that appear on the web and stick with one).
You touch upon some very difficult and heartfelt things here that, because I have experienced a similar reluctance and pain, I feel I should try to respond to.
In speaking, I have one difficulty that I have to get over, though, and that is in how I should feel about your having said, of famous past lives, "if you remember any." I don't have memories -- I have meanings, parallels, sensations, where I can say, "Oh, yes, that's what that is," but it's all just below the surface and a part of my psyche seems to want to keep it that way (or at least I'm too lazy to pursue otherwise!
). This isn't to say that I don't have certainty -- since devolved into "highly probable" since I'm well-out of the experiences related to it. But the fact remains that I'm outside the circle of what I believe you or others might consider valid experiences or "proof." (On the other hand, can anyone else say that they opened up to their knowledge via dreams, textual "proofs", conversations via the dictionary, and a spiritual & impossible-to-replicate unplugging of one's persona, all tied to a specific and obvious connection to a then-current, highly unusual astrological event? 
Thought not! 
. )
Because I feel myself outside the circle of what is considered good evidence (at least to one's self) and remain awed at the relative ease with which you and a few others in these forums uncover memories, my reluctance to speak actually begins right here. I have, however, spoken both here (especially as a member of the previous site), at a few other sites, and with only a few persons in face-to-face encounters about my belief.
The crux of my issue has been (and still is, but in a more targeted way) "Am I supposed to say anything?" or "What would be the point?" or "Do I have a message?" I love where your guides responded to perhaps similar queries on your part with the statement "You hurt because you are not telling people who you really are." After you related that statement, you mentioned how you don't think that it is just Alexander that you're hiding but your capacity for exercising the kind of power that he had. It seems likely to me that this is the fuller message of what your guides were telling you (though only you can really say). I see a disjunction in my own life between the ease with which I might tell someone of my belief and the relative difficulty of showing them in terms of action or creativity or sense-of-self that it deserves to be so. Understanding this disjunction is what allows me, on the one hand, to accept "O Great One, Thou Art Messiah!"-style messages from the subconscious while also accepting near-perpetual moderating suggestions from the I Ching and elsewhere along the lines of "Shut your damn yap, fool!"
The point, for me at least, is that this was dumped into my lap as much as a spur as anything. I don't have a role to live up to so much as a life that can be made better or more refined by dealing with or integrating a role (or, more importantly, what I have FELT that role to be). In other words, speaking now in terms of you, what is it about having this knowledge that serves you as opposed to you presumably serving others by sharing it? If we were Pure Christ come to enlighten the masses, then it would be a different story. What we have been given is a tool for ourselves, but it remains true that part of the use of that tool may involve sharing our knowledge, being comfortable with it in that sense. Being comfortable (and sane) with it may indeed be the whole lesson right there... and, perhaps, when it can happen, a lesson and encouragement to others.
As I mentioned, I've shared with a few face-to-face. The first person I shared with was there to receive me during my rather fun bouts with paranoia that occurred while I was drying up from my spiritual sauna (no drugs involved, I assure you!). She was a friend, it was easy, she saw my sincerity, and she integrated this into her understanding without it damaging our friendship. As to whether or not she believes me, I have politely refrained from asking, but I have found that, with her, and with me, it doesn't matter.
That last phrase, "It doesn't matter," has come up a lot in my experience, either explicity or because I have found it to be so, so much so that I now use it as a touchstone. Here's what I mean. I can go into a web forum and I can make what must seem the most outlandish suggestions or claims or offer near-proof-like statements seemingly crying out for comment or criticism or a request for explication and I get... nothing. There is this sort of bubble that develops that does not get penetrated... a hovering against a desire to penetrate. I have seen several others who might waltz in and offer whatever it is that they are trying to pass off and they quite often get run out of town. Why not me? It is because of this that I see their indifference as something else, as a kind of tacit fear of crossing a line, which is something like assent but without a corresponding desire to accept (and with all that this could imply for them). I have learned to think of this as a win, but especially as a win in myself: it suggests that there is something more than just getting someone to believe. In other words, we're not playing the belief game like so many others -- we're playing the comfort game... which of course leads back to our own sense of comfort and where it comes from.
Besides the first person I shared this with face-to-face, there has been one other (it was this one who explicitly stated that it doesn't matter and won't matter to anybody) prior to my sharing it with some members of my family. Sharing it with family members was a trip, but I find that, again, in their case, it doesn't matter. The result of all this has been simply to get the pressure off, for it doesn't matter! It only mattered when it was locked up in my head and loaded up with the idea that it could have life-changing importance for myself or others only if they believed. I no longer believe in this being the way. Instead, one should neither refrain from stating the facts as one knows them in cases where it would add to the conversation nor go out of one's way to attempt to elicit belief. It's all about being who you are (not being who you are in the eyes of others) and being comfortable with yourself and having no expectations... and understanding that, beyond this, people will always choose their own comfort level. of what they're willing to see... and that's because discomfort, as a tool of spirit, is something that only the Few, the Proud, the Marines! should ever blatantly wield.
(P.S., You know, I really didn't feel like cleaning up my place this morning, so thanks for the opportunity to Zone-out! And Sandra! I'll get Ozhika off these boards as soon as I copy some PMs. No sock-puppetry here!)
Ex-"Ozhika Rau" here (I'm aiming to retire all my scattered monikers that appear on the web and stick with one).
You touch upon some very difficult and heartfelt things here that, because I have experienced a similar reluctance and pain, I feel I should try to respond to.
In speaking, I have one difficulty that I have to get over, though, and that is in how I should feel about your having said, of famous past lives, "if you remember any." I don't have memories -- I have meanings, parallels, sensations, where I can say, "Oh, yes, that's what that is," but it's all just below the surface and a part of my psyche seems to want to keep it that way (or at least I'm too lazy to pursue otherwise!
). This isn't to say that I don't have certainty -- since devolved into "highly probable" since I'm well-out of the experiences related to it. But the fact remains that I'm outside the circle of what I believe you or others might consider valid experiences or "proof." (On the other hand, can anyone else say that they opened up to their knowledge via dreams, textual "proofs", conversations via the dictionary, and a spiritual & impossible-to-replicate unplugging of one's persona, all tied to a specific and obvious connection to a then-current, highly unusual astrological event? Thought not! . )
Because I feel myself outside the circle of what is considered good evidence (at least to one's self) and remain awed at the relative ease with which you and a few others in these forums uncover memories, my reluctance to speak actually begins right here. I have, however, spoken both here (especially as a member of the previous site), at a few other sites, and with only a few persons in face-to-face encounters about my belief.
The crux of my issue has been (and still is, but in a more targeted way) "Am I supposed to say anything?" or "What would be the point?" or "Do I have a message?" I love where your guides responded to perhaps similar queries on your part with the statement "You hurt because you are not telling people who you really are." After you related that statement, you mentioned how you don't think that it is just Alexander that you're hiding but your capacity for exercising the kind of power that he had. It seems likely to me that this is the fuller message of what your guides were telling you (though only you can really say). I see a disjunction in my own life between the ease with which I might tell someone of my belief and the relative difficulty of showing them in terms of action or creativity or sense-of-self that it deserves to be so. Understanding this disjunction is what allows me, on the one hand, to accept "O Great One, Thou Art Messiah!"-style messages from the subconscious while also accepting near-perpetual moderating suggestions from the I Ching and elsewhere along the lines of "Shut your damn yap, fool!"
The point, for me at least, is that this was dumped into my lap as much as a spur as anything. I don't have a role to live up to so much as a life that can be made better or more refined by dealing with or integrating a role (or, more importantly, what I have FELT that role to be). In other words, speaking now in terms of you, what is it about having this knowledge that serves you as opposed to you presumably serving others by sharing it? If we were Pure Christ come to enlighten the masses, then it would be a different story. What we have been given is a tool for ourselves, but it remains true that part of the use of that tool may involve sharing our knowledge, being comfortable with it in that sense. Being comfortable (and sane) with it may indeed be the whole lesson right there... and, perhaps, when it can happen, a lesson and encouragement to others.
As I mentioned, I've shared with a few face-to-face. The first person I shared with was there to receive me during my rather fun bouts with paranoia that occurred while I was drying up from my spiritual sauna (no drugs involved, I assure you!). She was a friend, it was easy, she saw my sincerity, and she integrated this into her understanding without it damaging our friendship. As to whether or not she believes me, I have politely refrained from asking, but I have found that, with her, and with me, it doesn't matter.
That last phrase, "It doesn't matter," has come up a lot in my experience, either explicity or because I have found it to be so, so much so that I now use it as a touchstone. Here's what I mean. I can go into a web forum and I can make what must seem the most outlandish suggestions or claims or offer near-proof-like statements seemingly crying out for comment or criticism or a request for explication and I get... nothing. There is this sort of bubble that develops that does not get penetrated... a hovering against a desire to penetrate. I have seen several others who might waltz in and offer whatever it is that they are trying to pass off and they quite often get run out of town. Why not me? It is because of this that I see their indifference as something else, as a kind of tacit fear of crossing a line, which is something like assent but without a corresponding desire to accept (and with all that this could imply for them). I have learned to think of this as a win, but especially as a win in myself: it suggests that there is something more than just getting someone to believe. In other words, we're not playing the belief game like so many others -- we're playing the comfort game... which of course leads back to our own sense of comfort and where it comes from.
Besides the first person I shared this with face-to-face, there has been one other (it was this one who explicitly stated that it doesn't matter and won't matter to anybody) prior to my sharing it with some members of my family. Sharing it with family members was a trip, but I find that, again, in their case, it doesn't matter. The result of all this has been simply to get the pressure off, for it doesn't matter! It only mattered when it was locked up in my head and loaded up with the idea that it could have life-changing importance for myself or others only if they believed. I no longer believe in this being the way. Instead, one should neither refrain from stating the facts as one knows them in cases where it would add to the conversation nor go out of one's way to attempt to elicit belief. It's all about being who you are (not being who you are in the eyes of others) and being comfortable with yourself and having no expectations... and understanding that, beyond this, people will always choose their own comfort level. of what they're willing to see... and that's because discomfort, as a tool of spirit, is something that only the Few, the Proud, the Marines! should ever blatantly wield.
(P.S., You know, I really didn't feel like cleaning up my place this morning, so thanks for the opportunity to Zone-out!
And Sandra! I'll get Ozhika off these boards as soon as I copy some PMs. No sock-puppetry here!)- G. Warryth
- Posts: 25
- Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2008 8:03 pm
by Ozhika Rau on Sat Jan 26, 2008 10:34 pm
Wow, that G. Warryth. Ain't he sumthin'? Why I bet he totally knows what he's talking about. Why, I bet that one has a mighty good head on his shoulders... handsome, too, I bet... oh, yeah... yada, yada, yada.
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Ozhika Rau - Posts: 18
- Joined: Sun May 13, 2007 10:16 pm
by Sandra on Sun Jan 27, 2008 12:41 am
I have found that I am called on to act in the most sane, reasonable, effective manner with people, even when I don't feel particularly any of the above.
In other words: if you publicly claim to have had a famous past life, you find yourself liable to the same rules as people hold those who are famous now: you better behave. That makes everything much easier.
I haven't had that much trouble with being out, that I know of, because
1. I have been behaving myself better 2. I keep a sense of humor about being out and 3. I let people know I understand that what I have is a belief: I can show them I have sincere reasons for believing what I do, but I know perfectly well I cannot prove I was who I believe I was.
When it comes up I don't make a big deal about it. They can't be comfortable if I am not. I was absolutely terrified coming out with it the first year, but every year since has been better.
Would I handle it the same way again?
If I had known I would take up playwriting, which I had no inkling of really doing when the Shakespeare memories broke, I would not have made anything about Shakespeare public. That one will probably come back and bite me very badly one day. It already tries to on occasion. It may affect how much acceptance I receive in the future. The only way I know to handle that is to rely on number one and number two. I can't worry about it. There is too much work to do.
As it is, the playwriting has taken my focus away from working with the reincarnation writing, and it is the way I intend to go, because it clearly is my life work now - not just then. It is "Sandra's" work - not Will's. And that's what I am going to concentrate on.
That's the advice I have to give. It mostly works - it won't work for everything. But the more comfortable you are with who you are NOW, as well as in the past, the more comfortable people will be with you.
In other words: if you publicly claim to have had a famous past life, you find yourself liable to the same rules as people hold those who are famous now: you better behave. That makes everything much easier.
I haven't had that much trouble with being out, that I know of, because
1. I have been behaving myself better 2. I keep a sense of humor about being out and 3. I let people know I understand that what I have is a belief: I can show them I have sincere reasons for believing what I do, but I know perfectly well I cannot prove I was who I believe I was.
When it comes up I don't make a big deal about it. They can't be comfortable if I am not. I was absolutely terrified coming out with it the first year, but every year since has been better.
Would I handle it the same way again?
If I had known I would take up playwriting, which I had no inkling of really doing when the Shakespeare memories broke, I would not have made anything about Shakespeare public. That one will probably come back and bite me very badly one day. It already tries to on occasion. It may affect how much acceptance I receive in the future. The only way I know to handle that is to rely on number one and number two. I can't worry about it. There is too much work to do.
As it is, the playwriting has taken my focus away from working with the reincarnation writing, and it is the way I intend to go, because it clearly is my life work now - not just then. It is "Sandra's" work - not Will's. And that's what I am going to concentrate on.
That's the advice I have to give. It mostly works - it won't work for everything. But the more comfortable you are with who you are NOW, as well as in the past, the more comfortable people will be with you.
If this be error, and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
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Sandra - Site Admin
- Posts: 563
- Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2007 10:50 am
- Location: Atlanta
by G. Warryth on Sun Jan 27, 2008 2:18 am
Sandra wrote:LOL! Oh, Ozhika, you cute little sock puppet, you!
Mmmm, Warm Fuzzies! Maybe I'll keep Ozhika and get rid of G. Warryth. The name is kind of pretty and appeals to the bi-side that I know I must have buried somewhere very... very... deep. La la-la la. Purrrrrr.
Good words there, too, that you offered. I'd like to kick away the old guy myself and get into some fresh things. I've got a fighting chance now that my Sun is progressing into a new sign after thirty-some years (I think that's what the astrologer said)... Aries! Spring and fire! Three years of fret-ville is enough.
- G. Warryth
- Posts: 25
- Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2008 8:03 pm
by Prudence on Sun Jan 27, 2008 3:08 pm
I'm not "out," except to those I know for a fact believe me. There have only been four people I have actually told about the situation, although there are trusted others who figured it out and/or learned from these four.
There's no reason to tell most anyone. My thoughts are that they won't listen or they won't care, which is probably true.
One silly thought I have in my mind is that there are people who won't believe my memories of being a woman who historians record during her midlife, when I am currently only 18 years of age. (That said, I'm often told I look and act older than I am.)
There's no reason to tell most anyone. My thoughts are that they won't listen or they won't care, which is probably true.
One silly thought I have in my mind is that there are people who won't believe my memories of being a woman who historians record during her midlife, when I am currently only 18 years of age. (That said, I'm often told I look and act older than I am.)
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Prudence - Posts: 86
- Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2008 2:16 pm
by Notorious_Gossip on Sun Jan 27, 2008 8:32 pm
I'm "out" about my past life recall and the abnormal abilities to some people locally, "in" to others.
If I"m down at the coffeehouse where the artists hang out, I"m out and so are they.
If I"m at the coffeehouse where my friends in blue hang out, I'm not out. I wouldn't want the Chief of Police to think I'm after his job.
I'm out with three of the kids I work with. They need to understand why it is that I say odd things, and why nobody can ever get away with lying to me.
When it comes to something that I've been advised is the most difficult thing to believe about me, I've never been 'in' about it. And, as I've been working with the educational system here in town and developing a toolkit for gifted children, I'm entirely public about what my abnormal IQ is.
They are the ones who measured it-repeatedly. And, it's not something that people will want to rationally explain away. It's an entirely rational measurement. It's also rather noticeable now that I've stopped 'playing normal' so that people will accept me.
That was my issue with people not accepting me because of my vocabulary, rapid speech, and use of arcane concepts. I've found they do-as long as I explain things to them if they don't grok what I"m saying.
When it comes to being online, I'm very much out about my identity. Now. I wasn't that way before, but with things in my life as they are, I am able to reveal my identity. I've been open about my real life because I have no fear that anyone is going to show up at my house and harass me.
There are certain benefits to living in a really bad neighborhood. That's the only one I can think of right now, but I"m sure I'll come up with others
Phoenix
If I"m down at the coffeehouse where the artists hang out, I"m out and so are they.
If I"m at the coffeehouse where my friends in blue hang out, I'm not out. I wouldn't want the Chief of Police to think I'm after his job.
I'm out with three of the kids I work with. They need to understand why it is that I say odd things, and why nobody can ever get away with lying to me.
When it comes to something that I've been advised is the most difficult thing to believe about me, I've never been 'in' about it. And, as I've been working with the educational system here in town and developing a toolkit for gifted children, I'm entirely public about what my abnormal IQ is.
They are the ones who measured it-repeatedly. And, it's not something that people will want to rationally explain away. It's an entirely rational measurement. It's also rather noticeable now that I've stopped 'playing normal' so that people will accept me.
That was my issue with people not accepting me because of my vocabulary, rapid speech, and use of arcane concepts. I've found they do-as long as I explain things to them if they don't grok what I"m saying.
When it comes to being online, I'm very much out about my identity. Now. I wasn't that way before, but with things in my life as they are, I am able to reveal my identity. I've been open about my real life because I have no fear that anyone is going to show up at my house and harass me.
There are certain benefits to living in a really bad neighborhood. That's the only one I can think of right now, but I"m sure I'll come up with others
Phoenix
"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you."
Friedrich Nietzsche
Friedrich Nietzsche
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Notorious_Gossip - Posts: 184
- Joined: Tue Aug 28, 2007 2:46 pm
- Location: MOB turf
by Brooklynfan on Mon Jan 28, 2008 3:47 am
Im actually very 'out' about my beliefs in reincarnation, but im also not one to openly talk about it unless someone else brings it up. Not many people I know in TRW actually have brought it up.
I also tend to segment my friends into very segmented groups. I have my coworkers, who I just shoot the sh*t with at work, my buddies, who I go out and have a beer and do wings with, and I have my close friends. Most of my close friends know, very few of my buddies (well, only 1, actually, and thats an amusing story in itself) know, and none of my coworkers know anything.
But, IRL, im actually a rather private person, and I have a lot of experience with talking a lot and not actually revealing much about myself.
As for the famous thing, to be honest, Im actually a lot more hesitant to talk about some of my more recent PL's over the my 'Famous' one. Partially it is because of the simple nature of it... I mean where exactly does that fit into a conversation...
Buddy: "yeah, I think I was a farmer in a Past life:
Me: "Oh, well thats interesting. My job was to murder thousands of people."
Buddy: uh...
Another part is that the very first time I ever came out with specifics about a PL to anyone, it bit me in the ass. I was in my first year of college and one of the people I hung out with expressed interest in the Holocaust. While we were talking about it, she mentioned that she thought she may have died in one of the KZ's. Well, this was something that i had been thinking about for a long time, but it was the first time I had actually been able to talk to anyone about it. So I jumped on it. Needless to say it bit me in the ass. Because of that little indiscretion, I lost my roomate (although to be honest, it really wans that big of a deal- they were an asshole anyway) and it took me over a year to get over the rumours that I was a crazy violent Nazi asshole.
And thats not the only time its bit me. My ex, who I was actually engaged to for 6 months, claimed to be a victim herself (Roma camp), and she used to like to whip that one out at me on arguments. She once had the audacity to tell me that she was worried that I would hit her because I had a 'violent past'. Excuse me? I mean, I do have a nasty temper, and Ill take a man down without a second thought, but I would never hit a woman, especially one that I cared for. And anyone who actually knows me knows that... but she still liked to whip that one out. It drove me nuts.
So im a little gun shy when it comes to that life. Hell, I'm a lot gun shy. Most of the time folks'll only get the basics or the early stuff and thats it until I actually trust them.
As for 'famous', well, if it werent for a certain movie, NO ONE other than historians would know who I was (and to be honest, I'd be rather content with that). But even with '300', Im still not all that well known. So anyone I tell has to get a mini history lesson with it
Them: Leowho?
Me: Ok, have you ever heard of that little fiasco of a battle in ancient greece where an infantesimaly small number of guys held off this huge army for two days and then got creamed... yeah, I led that."
So really, for me, its not all that bad. But then again, I wasnt exactly a murdering bastard back then in 480 either... Its a lot easier to talk about lives where you did 'good' things than one where you did 'bad' things
Wilhelm
I also tend to segment my friends into very segmented groups. I have my coworkers, who I just shoot the sh*t with at work, my buddies, who I go out and have a beer and do wings with, and I have my close friends. Most of my close friends know, very few of my buddies (well, only 1, actually, and thats an amusing story in itself) know, and none of my coworkers know anything.
But, IRL, im actually a rather private person, and I have a lot of experience with talking a lot and not actually revealing much about myself.
As for the famous thing, to be honest, Im actually a lot more hesitant to talk about some of my more recent PL's over the my 'Famous' one. Partially it is because of the simple nature of it... I mean where exactly does that fit into a conversation...
Buddy: "yeah, I think I was a farmer in a Past life:
Me: "Oh, well thats interesting. My job was to murder thousands of people."
Buddy: uh...
Another part is that the very first time I ever came out with specifics about a PL to anyone, it bit me in the ass. I was in my first year of college and one of the people I hung out with expressed interest in the Holocaust. While we were talking about it, she mentioned that she thought she may have died in one of the KZ's. Well, this was something that i had been thinking about for a long time, but it was the first time I had actually been able to talk to anyone about it. So I jumped on it. Needless to say it bit me in the ass. Because of that little indiscretion, I lost my roomate (although to be honest, it really wans that big of a deal- they were an asshole anyway) and it took me over a year to get over the rumours that I was a crazy violent Nazi asshole.
And thats not the only time its bit me. My ex, who I was actually engaged to for 6 months, claimed to be a victim herself (Roma camp), and she used to like to whip that one out at me on arguments. She once had the audacity to tell me that she was worried that I would hit her because I had a 'violent past'. Excuse me? I mean, I do have a nasty temper, and Ill take a man down without a second thought, but I would never hit a woman, especially one that I cared for. And anyone who actually knows me knows that... but she still liked to whip that one out. It drove me nuts.
So im a little gun shy when it comes to that life. Hell, I'm a lot gun shy. Most of the time folks'll only get the basics or the early stuff and thats it until I actually trust them.
As for 'famous', well, if it werent for a certain movie, NO ONE other than historians would know who I was (and to be honest, I'd be rather content with that). But even with '300', Im still not all that well known. So anyone I tell has to get a mini history lesson with it
Them: Leowho?
Me: Ok, have you ever heard of that little fiasco of a battle in ancient greece where an infantesimaly small number of guys held off this huge army for two days and then got creamed... yeah, I led that."
So really, for me, its not all that bad. But then again, I wasnt exactly a murdering bastard back then in 480 either... Its a lot easier to talk about lives where you did 'good' things than one where you did 'bad' things
Wilhelm
"Were you a hero in the War?"
"No, but I served with a few."
"No, but I served with a few."
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Brooklynfan - Posts: 310
- Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2007 3:27 am
- Location: Here and There
by Notorious_Gossip on Mon Jan 28, 2008 4:04 am
Brooklynfan wrote:Its a lot easier to talk about lives where you did 'good' things than one where you did 'bad' things
Ain't that the truth...
Phoenix
"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you."
Friedrich Nietzsche
Friedrich Nietzsche
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Notorious_Gossip - Posts: 184
- Joined: Tue Aug 28, 2007 2:46 pm
- Location: MOB turf
by Zetascair20086 on Mon Jan 28, 2008 4:39 am
I follow a don't ask, don't tell policy. Most around me know I believe in reincarnation, UFOs and lots of really strange things as well as holding dissenting and unorthodox views on every topic but don't know any specifics or details. Experience has taught me that people react badly to these things or tend to think I'm a bit out there or disturbed, espicially when combined with my other strange personality traits, prefferences and mannerisms. Having been institutionalized has made it very clear to me what mainstream society thinks of me. Used to it from other lives too, one of my FPLs always talked from right near a door in conscious knowledge he might have to bolt from a hostile reception. Now I simply eye the door when nervous. Being killed as a dissident so often makes you more cautious about who you tell your heretical views to .
Most who aren't openly hostile towards my beliefs are at any rate not very interested in or aware of most of the things I talk about. I avoid most social situations because I really can't maintain a normal conversation for very long, I'm simply not someone easy to relate to even casually. For me to talk about these things I prefer to find out if the person is open to it before ever mentioning it, a main reason I like the internet.
Admittedly I have trouble discussing these things in person and talk about them almost exclusively in writing, in private and anonymously. Sometimes I even get paranoid about that. Should I ever have a more public persona I fear people I've talked to randomly online might be able to ID me. Just hope they don't save every written conversation, picture and e-mail like I do! Right now it's not really an issue though and if it ever does become one I'll worry about it later. But in person I'm about as far into the closet about these things as they come, I might just wake up and find myself in Narnia someday. So the reincarnation, the UFOs, the gender issues, the political extremism, only a few people offline know these things about me and even then only the surface. Also I tend to find that while people can be open about one they aren't about it all. Should I come out about one thing the people who accepted some of the others might reconsider. "Hey I agree with that guy's political stance or I like his book but what he's a transgendered UFO abductee who believes he was once an emperor?!" or "Well he seems sincere in his beliefs but can we really be sure someone who created something called the church of Fred is really all that serious about anything genuinely spiritual!" I think you can see my issues and problems here with full disclosure. Anyone who can think of the weird fictional stuff I create could easily think I just made up all the real stuff as well.
In some cases I've mentioned FPLs in passing but most of them are so obscure the vast majority of people are completely unfamiliar with them. So the way I see it even if I had an accepting receptive audiance is it really worth mentioning and having to explain every little detail? Inevitably it comes out in my fictional writing but until it's published it won't be an issue. Someday I might be more open about it but for now anything personal is not on my top priority list in terms of sharing with the world, I've got plenty of fictional stories and one major sham, err one true, religion to occupy my time. I'm pretty private and secretive in general, just my personality. My only long term goal for releasing any of my personal experiences to the public is once I'm dead or shortly before to make it all public. Once I'm dead who really cares. My main inhibition in being open is simply negative repercusions while alive. My only concern once I'm dead is that it will be out there me to find next lifetime which will save me alot of time .
.
Most who aren't openly hostile towards my beliefs are at any rate not very interested in or aware of most of the things I talk about. I avoid most social situations because I really can't maintain a normal conversation for very long, I'm simply not someone easy to relate to even casually. For me to talk about these things I prefer to find out if the person is open to it before ever mentioning it, a main reason I like the internet.
Admittedly I have trouble discussing these things in person and talk about them almost exclusively in writing, in private and anonymously. Sometimes I even get paranoid about that. Should I ever have a more public persona I fear people I've talked to randomly online might be able to ID me. Just hope they don't save every written conversation, picture and e-mail like I do! Right now it's not really an issue though and if it ever does become one I'll worry about it later. But in person I'm about as far into the closet about these things as they come, I might just wake up and find myself in Narnia someday
. So the reincarnation, the UFOs, the gender issues, the political extremism, only a few people offline know these things about me and even then only the surface. Also I tend to find that while people can be open about one they aren't about it all. Should I come out about one thing the people who accepted some of the others might reconsider. "Hey I agree with that guy's political stance or I like his book but what he's a transgendered UFO abductee who believes he was once an emperor?!" or "Well he seems sincere in his beliefs but can we really be sure someone who created something called the church of Fred is really all that serious about anything genuinely spiritual!" I think you can see my issues and problems here with full disclosure. Anyone who can think of the weird fictional stuff I create could easily think I just made up all the real stuff as well.
In some cases I've mentioned FPLs in passing but most of them are so obscure the vast majority of people are completely unfamiliar with them. So the way I see it even if I had an accepting receptive audiance is it really worth mentioning and having to explain every little detail? Inevitably it comes out in my fictional writing but until it's published it won't be an issue. Someday I might be more open about it but for now anything personal is not on my top priority list in terms of sharing with the world, I've got plenty of fictional stories and one major sham, err one true, religion to occupy my time
. I'm pretty private and secretive in general, just my personality. My only long term goal for releasing any of my personal experiences to the public is once I'm dead or shortly before to make it all public. Once I'm dead who really cares. My main inhibition in being open is simply negative repercusions while alive. My only concern once I'm dead is that it will be out there me to find next lifetime which will save me alot of time .-
Zetascair20086 - Posts: 538
- Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2007 9:56 pm
- Location: New York
by Karen on Mon Jan 28, 2008 4:13 pm
Oh my goodness... so many intelligent, fascinating posts! The joint is jumping.
I've been absent from the for the weekend because I had a friend visiting. He is, incidentally, an unrepentant muggle, so skeptical of all things esoteric that I wouldn't even begin to chance it with him.
Once when he was present and I was talking about writing the Alexander book, which is in first person and entitled I, Alexander, I forgot to say "he," as I had carefully been doing, and said "I."
There was this horrible, extremely-long silence. Until he said, "You really get into your characters, don't you?"
"Oh yes!" I enthusiastically agreed. "I really get into them, yes, I sure do!"
It's nice when their denial happily assists you with your closeting.
Anyway... I haven't given an answer to my own question, so here it is.
My ex knows all. It was a process we undertook together for three years; I thought, and still think, she was Hephaistion. My then and still best friend, to whom I refer on this forum by the name of her incarnation of that time, Kleitos, also knows all. There are two other people who knew all up until the point that my ex left me, who were also part of the group. One of them proved to be a liar, a betrayer and possibly a child molester, so I've dismissed all his memory material, including the verifications, as researched falsehood. (They always seemed suspiciously frequent and perfect...) The other is fairly gullible and so was turned against me through falsehoods, so I no longer talk to her either.
I have a number of muggle friends, mostly met in the science fiction/fantasy fan community, to whom I tell nothing.
I never tell co-workers anything. (Does anyone?)
When it all began, I planned to be entirely out about it; we even did a website that had most of our real names on it. I ended up taking it down because it seemed to draw the attention only of nutbars. I became much more circumspect after I was flamed privately and viciously by a person who I think is another Alexander claimant. (He is very secretive, but there are numerous clues in things he's written.)
I have one friend whom I told almost inadvertently. I was happily burbling about the PL autobiography I'm writing, as I am wont to do, and she asked me, "What inspired you to write about Alexander?" (She is a journalist, and has a nose for what you're hiding.) Caught off-guard, and feeling safe enough, I guess, I told her. It didn't much affect our friendship. I've told a couple of other fellow journalists (it's like I have a code of honesty with newsies) and several other people in the alternative health world (including, naturally, my regression therapist).
I've had a couple of people in the local writer community figure it out by themselves from listening to me read parts of the book that I've finished... though one is very psychic and spiritual so she just might have picked it up from sitting next to me, because she can do that sort of thing.
What my kids know is hard to tell. I don't talk to them about it, but over the years they must have overheard all kinds of things. For a while the 12-year-old wanted his hair cut "like Alexander." Of course that part of my identity has no significance to them; to them I'm simply and all-encompassingly Mom! (BTW: am I the only person who has both FPLs and offspring?)
Face-to-face, it's actually been accepted and believed much more than I would have expected; as well, even people who I don't think believe it continue to be accepting of me, don't seem to trust my sanity or my honesty any less. I guess it's a continuation of the lesson that I've been learning ever since I really connected with people other than in my family of origin: "the world is much more accepting and non-judgmental than my family of origin."
There's one couple who I'm very very dear friends with, whom it hurts not to tell. I've told them that I believe in reincarnation, and the woman once asked me who I was. I told her I wasn't comfortable saying, and she respected that. But really, they'd have to be idiots not to have put two and two together, since they know what I'm writing. They're either being polite, respecting my wishes... or not bringing it up because they don't want to talk about it and reveal they think I'm deluded. I'm not sure which and I'm afraid to find out.
I've gotten more crap on the Internet, where, since you are not physically there to pop them one if warranted, people feel freer to be rude. I ramped down my presence a few years ago, asking to change my username on CPL, back when it was more FPL-friendly. I don't use my real name even here, and my PL archive is not in a public section.
By comparison, coming out about being gay was nothing, coming out about being transgendered (insofar as I am) was so-so, coming out about having been an incest victim was terrifying at first (especially when I told my mother, who totally flipped out, and the first childhood friend, who also flipped out) but soon became quite easy so that I'm totally casual about it now.
More after I turn in a story due at 1 EST...
Warmly,
Karen
I've been absent from the for the weekend because I had a friend visiting. He is, incidentally, an unrepentant muggle, so skeptical of all things esoteric that I wouldn't even begin to chance it with him.
Once when he was present and I was talking about writing the Alexander book, which is in first person and entitled I, Alexander, I forgot to say "he," as I had carefully been doing, and said "I."
There was this horrible, extremely-long silence. Until he said, "You really get into your characters, don't you?"
"Oh yes!" I enthusiastically agreed. "I really get into them, yes, I sure do!"
It's nice when their denial happily assists you with your closeting.
Anyway... I haven't given an answer to my own question, so here it is.
My ex knows all. It was a process we undertook together for three years; I thought, and still think, she was Hephaistion. My then and still best friend, to whom I refer on this forum by the name of her incarnation of that time, Kleitos, also knows all. There are two other people who knew all up until the point that my ex left me, who were also part of the group. One of them proved to be a liar, a betrayer and possibly a child molester, so I've dismissed all his memory material, including the verifications, as researched falsehood. (They always seemed suspiciously frequent and perfect...) The other is fairly gullible and so was turned against me through falsehoods, so I no longer talk to her either.
I have a number of muggle friends, mostly met in the science fiction/fantasy fan community, to whom I tell nothing.
I never tell co-workers anything. (Does anyone?)
When it all began, I planned to be entirely out about it; we even did a website that had most of our real names on it. I ended up taking it down because it seemed to draw the attention only of nutbars. I became much more circumspect after I was flamed privately and viciously by a person who I think is another Alexander claimant. (He is very secretive, but there are numerous clues in things he's written.)
I have one friend whom I told almost inadvertently. I was happily burbling about the PL autobiography I'm writing, as I am wont to do, and she asked me, "What inspired you to write about Alexander?" (She is a journalist, and has a nose for what you're hiding.) Caught off-guard, and feeling safe enough, I guess, I told her. It didn't much affect our friendship. I've told a couple of other fellow journalists (it's like I have a code of honesty with newsies) and several other people in the alternative health world (including, naturally, my regression therapist).
I've had a couple of people in the local writer community figure it out by themselves from listening to me read parts of the book that I've finished... though one is very psychic and spiritual so she just might have picked it up from sitting next to me, because she can do that sort of thing.
What my kids know is hard to tell. I don't talk to them about it, but over the years they must have overheard all kinds of things. For a while the 12-year-old wanted his hair cut "like Alexander." Of course that part of my identity has no significance to them; to them I'm simply and all-encompassingly Mom! (BTW: am I the only person who has both FPLs and offspring?)
Face-to-face, it's actually been accepted and believed much more than I would have expected; as well, even people who I don't think believe it continue to be accepting of me, don't seem to trust my sanity or my honesty any less. I guess it's a continuation of the lesson that I've been learning ever since I really connected with people other than in my family of origin: "the world is much more accepting and non-judgmental than my family of origin."
There's one couple who I'm very very dear friends with, whom it hurts not to tell. I've told them that I believe in reincarnation, and the woman once asked me who I was. I told her I wasn't comfortable saying, and she respected that. But really, they'd have to be idiots not to have put two and two together, since they know what I'm writing. They're either being polite, respecting my wishes... or not bringing it up because they don't want to talk about it and reveal they think I'm deluded. I'm not sure which and I'm afraid to find out.
I've gotten more crap on the Internet, where, since you are not physically there to pop them one if warranted, people feel freer to be rude. I ramped down my presence a few years ago, asking to change my username on CPL, back when it was more FPL-friendly. I don't use my real name even here, and my PL archive is not in a public section.
By comparison, coming out about being gay was nothing, coming out about being transgendered (insofar as I am) was so-so, coming out about having been an incest victim was terrifying at first (especially when I told my mother, who totally flipped out, and the first childhood friend, who also flipped out) but soon became quite easy so that I'm totally casual about it now.
More after I turn in a story due at 1 EST...
Warmly,
Karen
“Reincarnation is a two-edged sword in which not only do you find out that there's no such thing as death – but also that there's no such thing as death ending all cares. And everything that means.” (From an email to a friend)
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Karen - Posts: 584
- Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2007 11:07 am
by AK6 on Mon Jan 28, 2008 5:05 pm
I'm snug as a bug in a rug... in the closet.
I've told one friend who stopped hanging out with me. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I can only assume that telling him was why. I told another who was fairly accepting because his Mom believed it. I haven't told the rest of my buddies. I got close at times with the wrong people. My family barely knows a thing about my personal views and beliefs. Shipping your kid off to the psychiatrist is a sure-fire way to prevent any future conversations with him. I don't wish to become a psychological profile nor allow any of my online friends the same pleasure.
I've told one friend who stopped hanging out with me. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I can only assume that telling him was why. I told another who was fairly accepting because his Mom believed it. I haven't told the rest of my buddies. I got close at times with the wrong people. My family barely knows a thing about my personal views and beliefs. Shipping your kid off to the psychiatrist is a sure-fire way to prevent any future conversations with him. I don't wish to become a psychological profile nor allow any of my online friends the same pleasure.
Sure it's possible, but is it plausible?
- AK6
- Posts: 204
- Joined: Thu Mar 29, 2007 8:47 am
- Location: On the banks of the River Styx
by Prudence on Mon Jan 28, 2008 7:25 pm
AK6 wrote:My family barely knows a thing about my personal views and beliefs. Shipping your kid off to the psychiatrist is a sure-fire way to prevent any future conversations with him.
This doesn't have anything to do with famous past lives directly, but I must echo my agreement here. My parents closed communication with me because of my personality traits; at the age of four I was misdiagnosed with a very stereotyping disorder. Never did I attend therapy and never did I tell anyone of the diagnosis, save a handful of people I knew would not judge. This past year, I was finally retested and given the label of OCPD. Apparently, that's what I've "had" all along, but OCPD is never diagnosed in children.
At any rate, when parents can't appreciate what they've been given in the forms of their children and instead insist that they must somehow be "wrong," their children have no reason to give the parents trust.
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Prudence - Posts: 86
- Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2008 2:16 pm
by Karen on Mon Jan 28, 2008 10:25 pm
At any rate, when parents can't appreciate what they've been given in the forms of their children and instead insist that they must somehow be "wrong," their children have no reason to give the parents trust.
I have told my son many times that he's perfect, and NEVER that he's wrong -- and he has autism... needs full-time educational assistant at home, way behind academically/socially/linguistically, etc. Everyone else in the world would say there is something wrong with him. I never EVER give him that idea, and if I can do that with him, any parent can do it with any child. Shame on your parents, Prudence.
Your situation hit a nerve with me... I wasn't diagnosed with anything, but my mother convinced me I was crazy, and evil, because I was very prolific in drawing battles between armies carrying swords and spears, starting as soon as I was old enough to draw. I didn't figure out until I was close to age 40 that the disease I had was RMPLBIFTS (Recording-My-PLs-Before-I-Forget-Them Syndrome.) I probably don't need to add, she threw away or burned every drawing.
So, yes, if I could say to every toddler with FPL memories, "Don't come out to your parents until you're old enough to move out... or at least until you're old enough to discern whether their reaction would be safe to you...!" I would.
Warmly,
Karen
“Reincarnation is a two-edged sword in which not only do you find out that there's no such thing as death – but also that there's no such thing as death ending all cares. And everything that means.” (From an email to a friend)
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Karen - Posts: 584
- Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2007 11:07 am
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